Ooops, I Just Bought Urban Champion (Quick Review I Guess)

I like the idea behind the 3D Classics line of games. Y’know, 2D is suddenly 3D by the power of MAGIC or whatever. It’s very appealing, and even though Excitebike didn’t set my world on fire, that Xevious remake so did — it made me fall in love with a game I kind of always actually hated.

Hoping the magic would work on lonely old Urban Champion, I ponied up the $5 and was ready to be spellbound (that is the worst word ever) by some amazing 3D-enhanced classic gaming goodness.

But oh my god, I don’t know. I just don’t. What did I just play for 30 minutes? I literally punched like 10 dudes to the right of the screen over and over and THAT WAS IT!!!

This is all new to me because I actually have never played Urban Champion before. The box art and Ninty nostalgia factor have always interested me, despite a billion and one warnings (ie IGN about every two years saying how it’s the worst Nintendo game of all time).

I don’t know if it’s the worst Nintendo game of all time — there is an odd, simplistic charm about the thing. All you do is punch fucking assholes, but it’s nice to move up the ranks.

The 3D effect? I don’t know (again). I just don’t. It doesn’t really add anything — if you don’t mess with the options and turn on the slightly amusing “camera option” (said camera swoops around each building you cross as you punch more and more guys), you’re literally playing an NES title with sprites popping out of the screen and that’s it. Even if you do have the “camera option” turned on, I don’t know? I don’t know.

I’d like to think that it’s a fun novelty I’ll pull out every once in awhile, and I haven’t played multiplayer on it so I don’t know (again). I can see punching (again, no other moves — you can’t even fucking kick) my friend in the face becoming a good time. But which friend of mine is EVER going to buy this?

If you loved it back then because, y’know, there were no better options, and are dying of nostalgia like the rest of us, I see it as a worthwhile purchase. Otherwise, take a 10 second glance at any YouTube video of the game and you’ve seen the entire game. Five bucks would be much better spent on some Taco Bell.

**/*****

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